Choices

Dear Jakey,

I sit here with you little buddy and while you seem to be a bit better you are not back to normal yet. I have to tell you though that I feel pretty good with the way we dealt with this recent bout of sickness. I hope I am not speaking too early and you have no other tricks up your sleeve!

Slowing down these last two days with you has gotten me to do some more thinking. I was thinking about choices people make - the ones where they think they don't have a choice but in reality they do. I get so sick of people complaining about having to go do things  - "i wish i didn't have to do....." or "i wish i didn't need to go to ......." Now mind you, I am probably the biggest complainer of all but it is all so stupid. If only everyone that complained caught themselves and realized that they did in fact have a choice, they could say no, they have that power - it might not be the right thing to do but they could do it. You can't. You don't have the simple choices that everyone takes for granted. You rely 100% on us for everything. The thing that worries be most - more than the seizures, genetics and all the other stuff is that I (we) are completely responsible for keeping you safe. I watch other kids be crazy but then i see their self-protecting instincts - putting their hands out to catch a fall or moving out of ball headed their way. Your body won't let you do that and it scares the living hell out of me. I hope I am doing enough to keep you safe, healthy and happy my little buddy. You mean the world to me and next time you hear me whining about something try and tell me to shut up.

Love,
Mommy