Luck

Dear Jakey,

In the last week I have had the opportunity to think even more about how lucky I am. Now for a long time "lucky" is the last word I would have used to describe our situation. In fact I often asked the "what did I do to deserve this?" type questions. Somewhere along the line though my thinking changed. And I know that I am lucky. This is not to say that I am always positive about it - as you know first hand when you hear me mutter words under my breath that I shouldn't say in front of you. Like this morning when I had to make your meals and the magic bullet broke and I had to start all over. Or when my mathematical configurations are off and I need to start over so that your meals stay in the right ratio. Or twice a day when I have to give meds and I am reminded that our life is different (not bad, just different.) Life is hard and while I know all moms think life with kids is hard, I reserve the right to say that our kinds of worries are a different kind of hard. And I'll even go as far as to say harder because I know life with a "healthy kid" too - and I know all that comes with that. And I know that Ethan sometimes is harder than you but even then it is different.

But I digress, because this is about how I am in fact lucky. Lucky to know you and love you first hand. Lucky to be the person in the front line for all the ups and downs. And lucky because I can't imagine anyone else ever being prouder than I am of you. In the last week, we had two special things happen. The first one came from one of Mommy's friends from Boston - someone Mommy worked with way before you were born and even before Ethan was born. She'd been feeling pretty lucky lately too so was making wishes - she wished for you to have an amazing Halloween. Isn't that cool - someone you haven't even met is wishing you great things? That is lucky. And for what it is worth - I think you did have a pretty amazing Halloween.

And then a few days later, Mommy got a note from Spunky's sister. Another person who has never met you but who has been impacted by you and just wanted to say thanks. You should know that that doesn't happen to everyone - we've talked about it before but you do have a profound effect on people and that is something special. And that is why I have learned to feel lucky - I am your mom and get to be impacted by you each and every day. I love you so much my little peanut.

Love,
Mommy